el amor es

The salty taste of arroz con gandules, carne vieja, with a slice of cold aguacate.

Holding hands while the daytime novela played in the background, waiting for Mami to come home and get me.

She sings himnos under her breath while he looks out the window, a chorus of bird songs accompanying her melody.

I sit on the chilly tile floor, preferring this to the sofa with the plastic on it.

He was always so quiet.

Her voice always loud and commanding.

They were perfectly in harmony somehow as they rocked in their chairs, while I daydreamed and loved them.

Grandma and Grandpa.jpg

anxiety lovelove anxiety

tightened chest

fingers sweat

heart palpitations repeat anxiety iterations

spiraling feeling of doubt exploding into silent shouting

daytime nighttime filled with why

tasting salted tears on tips of tongues as backlogged feeling rise up into being

unsure of landing pages

searches leading to deadened facial expressions

reliving all the moments of wondering why you were ever put in this position in the first place

i can't help falling in...

i hate ruminating over hypotheticals

I hate ruminating over hypotheticals

Pondering incomplete mental wanderings

Decision making based on illogical step taking

Which result in neither successes nor progress

 

I hate ruminating over hypotheticals

Energy drains

Dexterity exercises exhaust the brain

Clawing up seamless walls

Losing fingertip tenderness and life to duress

 

Prose that supposes there are solutions to riddles that were never posed

Loss as a result of incorrect deductions that decisions are as predictable as disappointment

Frustrations birthed from alternate timelines lived by people who never knew what you meant in the first place

I hate ruminating over hypotheticals

for nicole l.