el amor es

The salty taste of arroz con gandules, carne vieja, with a slice of cold aguacate.

Holding hands while the daytime novela played in the background, waiting for Mami to come home and get me.

She sings himnos under her breath while he looks out the window, a chorus of bird songs accompanying her melody.

I sit on the chilly tile floor, preferring this to the sofa with the plastic on it.

He was always so quiet.

Her voice always loud and commanding.

They were perfectly in harmony somehow as they rocked in their chairs, while I daydreamed and loved them.

Grandma and Grandpa.jpg

thoughts on a nation

I was really disappointed by the fucking election.

A man who doesn’t like women, who really loves his erection.

A person seriously diluted about building a wall.

A Humpty Dumpty who can’t imagine how he’s gonna fall.

 

It’sconstant repetition of his unholy mission

Praising his acquisitions…

And promoting white privilege.

Monetary gain, surpass appropriation pain

The more the country changes, more it stays the same.

 

Had a chance to make a difference, break through the glass ceiling.

Bring in someone with hands we need to practice some healing.

Instead of progress and creation, we decided on fear

Clinging to antiquated notions of an enemy near.

 

Dragging morality razor blades across the flesh You praise

Claiming we now exist in bliss in a pro-melanin haze

But the fact of mass hysteria cannot be denied

And the majority rejected the things she could provide.

 

See, now the proof is in the papers

We see collective screaming

Of a nation under God chastised for ever believing

That we had grown up past the time of hate, irrational rage

Surrounded by our blurry visions and locked  up in a cage

Built on the backs of those before us, people hoping for life

Instead of fulfilling vows, we got a mail-order wife.

 

Now the streets are filled with madness

A state of confusion, drawing conclusions based on facts and figures

that can’t be proven

The more we struggle with the hate and fear called everyday life

The more the men who carry power twist the double-edged knife.

 

Stories about grabbing bodies as if they were free samples

And comments about how his daughter’s figure’s always been ample

And anti-color propaganda painting walls with graffiti

And one-percenters telling begging masses not to be greedy.

And threats of physical removal from the patriot ground

If multiple identifying documents can’t be found.

And screaming faces yelling at the voiceless they should be silent

And clenching fists insisting that the powerless not be violent.

 

I can’t begin to think of lessons we can pull from disaster

The chains are being handed over to this elected master

Congratulations to the land of freedom if you are white

It’s easy to exist is bliss after you’ve traded your sight.

anxiety lovelove anxiety

tightened chest

fingers sweat

heart palpitations repeat anxiety iterations

spiraling feeling of doubt exploding into silent shouting

daytime nighttime filled with why

tasting salted tears on tips of tongues as backlogged feeling rise up into being

unsure of landing pages

searches leading to deadened facial expressions

reliving all the moments of wondering why you were ever put in this position in the first place

i can't help falling in...

i hate ruminating over hypotheticals

I hate ruminating over hypotheticals

Pondering incomplete mental wanderings

Decision making based on illogical step taking

Which result in neither successes nor progress

 

I hate ruminating over hypotheticals

Energy drains

Dexterity exercises exhaust the brain

Clawing up seamless walls

Losing fingertip tenderness and life to duress

 

Prose that supposes there are solutions to riddles that were never posed

Loss as a result of incorrect deductions that decisions are as predictable as disappointment

Frustrations birthed from alternate timelines lived by people who never knew what you meant in the first place

I hate ruminating over hypotheticals

for nicole l.